Aphorisms by author: Wilson Mizner

God help those who do not help themselves.
By theme : Wit
When a woman tells you her age, it`s all right to look surprised, but don`t scowl.
By theme : Humor Wit Women
The days just prior to marriage are like a snappy introduction to a tedious book.
By theme : Humor Marriage
Most open minds should be closed for repair.
By theme : Humor Wit
The only sure thing about luck is that it will change.
By theme : Life Philosophy Wisdom
The gent who wakes up and finds himself a success hasn`t been asleep.
By theme : Success Wit
Life`s a tough proposition, and the first hundred years are the hardest.
By theme : Life Wit
When you take stuff from one writer it`s plagiarism; but when you take it from many writers, it`s research.
By theme : Humor Wit
The only time that most women give their orating husbands undivided attention is when the old boys mumble in their sleep.
By theme : Humor Husband Wife
Gambling: The sure way of getting nothing for something.
By theme : Humor Wit
I can usually judge a fellow by what he laughs at.
By theme : Psychology Relations
The most efficient water power in the world - women`s tears.
By theme : Women
Don`t talk about yourself; it will be done when you leave.
By theme : Behavior Relations Society
Be nice to people on your way up because you`ll meet them on your way down.
By theme : Behavior Wit
A fellow who is always declaring he`s no fool usually has his suspicions.
By theme : Psychology Reason Stupidity
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