Aphorisms by theme: Humor

When a woman tells you her age, it`s all right to look surprised, but don`t scowl.

Wilson Mizner

This author aphorisms
By theme : Humor Wit Women
A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I`m afraid of widths.

Steven Wright

This author aphorisms
By theme : Humor Wit
My opinion? Well, I have one opinion in the morning, other opinion after noon, and in the evening I have no opinion at all.

Charles Maurice de Talleyrand

This author aphorisms
By theme : Humor Wit
Flattery is like cologne water, to be smelt of, not swallowed.

Henry Wheeler Shaw

This author aphorisms
By theme : Humor Wit
The music of wedding procession always reminds me of a military march before the final battle.

Heinrich Heine

This author aphorisms
By theme : Humor Marriage Wit
Borrow money from pessimists - they don`t expect it back.

Steven Wright

This author aphorisms
By theme : Humor
Training is everything. The peach was once a bitter almond; the cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.

Mark Twain

This author aphorisms
By theme : Humor Wit
Democracy is a theory according to which the two thieves will steal less than one and three - less than two and four - less than three, etc.

Henry Louis Mencken

This author aphorisms
By theme : Democracy Humor
Rivalry is the life of trade and the death of the trader.

Elbert Hubbard

This author aphorisms
By theme : Humor Wit Business
The days just prior to marriage are like a snappy introduction to a tedious book.

Wilson Mizner

This author aphorisms
By theme : Humor Marriage
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

Steven Wright

This author aphorisms
By theme : Humor Wit
Women have no age. They are either young or old.

Sacha Guitry

This author aphorisms
By theme : Humor Women
I believe in the all-seeing eye watching us from above. Unfortunately, this eye is the government.

Woody Allen

This author aphorisms
By theme : Humor Wit
In a time of drastic change, it is the learners who inherit the future. The learned usually find themselves equipped to live in a world that no longer exists.

Eric Hoffer

This author aphorisms
By theme : Humor Thought Wit
No normal man ever fell in love after thirty when the kidneys begin to disintegrate.

Henry Louis Mencken

This author aphorisms
By theme : Humor Love Men Wit
Life is just one damned thing after another.

Elbert Hubbard

This author aphorisms
By theme : Humor Life Wit
I have achieved many things because I do not consume my energy in vain. I do not stand if I can sit and I do not sit if I can lie down.

Winston Churchill

This author aphorisms
By theme : Humor Wit
People have discovered that they can fool the devil; but they can`t fool the neighbors.

Edgar Watson Howe

This author aphorisms
By theme : Humor Wit
Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire.

Steven Wright

This author aphorisms
By theme : Humor Wit
Vulgarity is simply the conduct of other people.

Oscar Wilde

This author aphorisms
By theme : Humor Wit
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