Aphorisms by theme: Humor

I had my first woman and smoked my first cigarette on the same day. I have never had time for tobacco since.

Arturo Toscanini

This author aphorisms
By theme : Humor
You can change your faith without changing gods. And vice versa.

Stanislaw Jerzy Lec

This author aphorisms
By theme : Humor Religion Wit
A man may be a fool and not know it, but not if he is married.

Henry Louis Mencken

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By theme : Humor Marriage Stupidity Wit
What they call `heart` is located far lower than the fourth waistcoat button.

Georg Christoph Lichtenberg

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By theme : Humor Wit
A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody has read.

Mark Twain

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By theme : Humor
France may claim the happiest marriages in the world, but the happiest divorces in the world are "made in America."

Helen Rowland

This author aphorisms
By theme : Humor Marriage
Suppose you succeed in breaking the wall with your head. And what, then, will you do in the next cell?

Stanislaw Jerzy Lec

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By theme : Cynicism Humor Wit
If the Republicans will stop telling lies about the Democrats, we will stop telling the truth about them.

Adlai E. Stevenson

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By theme : Democracy Humor Politics Wit
God in his wisdom made the fly and then forgot to tell us why.

Ogden Nash

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By theme : Humor Wit
Always turn to strange gods; they will listen to you out of turn.

Stanislaw Jerzy Lec

This author aphorisms
By theme : Humor Religion Wit
I might repeat to myself, slowly and soothingly, a list of quotations beautiful from minds profound; if I can remember any of the damn things.

Dorothy Parker

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By theme : Humor Wit
When you sit with a nice girl for two hours, you think it`s only a minute. But when you sit on a hot stove for a minute, you think it`s two hours. That`s relativity.

Albert Einstein

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By theme : Humor Science Wit
No matter how long he lives, no man ever becomes as wise as the average woman of forty-eight.

Henry Louis Mencken

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By theme : Humor Men Wisdom Women
Sometimes you have to be silent to be heard.

Stanislaw Jerzy Lec

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By theme : Humor Wisdom Wit
Sex: the pleasure is momentary, the position ridiculous, and the expense damnable.

Philip Chesterfield

This author aphorisms
By theme : Humor Love Wit
Some would like to understand what they believe in. Others would like to believe in what they understand.

Stanislaw Jerzy Lec

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By theme : Humor Religion Wisdom Wit
Marriage is a very good thing, but I think it`s a mistake to make a habit out of it.

William Somerset Maugham

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By theme : Humor Marriage Wit
I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house.

Zsa Zsa Gabor

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By theme : Humor Relations Women
The trouble with our times is that the future is not what it used to be.

Paul Valery

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By theme : Humor Time Wit
I never think of the future. It comes soon enough.

Albert Einstein

This author aphorisms
By theme : Future Humor Wit
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